I've been grappling with articulating why gratitude matters for a while, so let me see if I can pull it all together here.
It seems to me that gratitude is more than just another “feeling.” It's certainly more than a fancy, popular buzzword of the new-age Instagram clans.
Defining Terms
For now, I am defining gratitude as “the feeling one gets when one humbly appreciates anything or anyone as a gift.”
So it's a feeling, an emotion (a vibration? a frequency?), and it lives in our bodies. I'm not interested in the concept of gratitude as much as I am in the experience of it.
We have a particular set of sensations when we humbly appreciate anything or anyone as a gift. That's what I'm interested in.
Sometimes, we find ourselves overcome with gratitude. Holding our newborn baby, a majestic sunrise, an unexpected gift—we've all had experiences like these, where gratitude descends upon us out of fabulous circumstances.
But we can also cultivate an experience of gratitude under less-than-fabulous circumstances. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl often spoke about this, calling it "the last of human freedoms—the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, especially an attitude of gratitude."
While these are our access to that feeling, whether intentional or luck, they don't answer why gratitude matters.
The First Reason
The first answer to "Why gratitude?' is its key (if not “the” key) to living a full, empowered life. Why? Because without it, we're just sorta fucked.
Gratitude is a counterbalance to the fucked up nature of life.
If we are at all awake, we can feel life's constant struggle between grief and gratitude.
Mostly, we keep score in the game we're playing by measuring less grief and more gratitude.
What's often missed is that we can't have one without the other.
Gratitude only exists in those areas of life where grief is a possibility, and without the possibility of grief, there'd be no reason to experience gratitude. They are two sides of a coin, two ends of the same stick.
Learning to deal powerfully with both, to face both joy and sorrow, is the key to creating an expanded and resilient life. Developing our ability to be grateful for life BECAUSE we know the loss is coming is a potent skill for living powerfully.
The Japanese call this feeling of deep appreciation and gratitude for the gift of something because of its impernanance, mono no aware.
Cherry blossoms are a classic example: they bloom vibrantly, only to fall a few days later. This fleeting beauty doesn’t diminish the experience of the blossoms; it enhances it because we know it’s temporary. The knowledge that these moments or things won’t last forever deepens our appreciation of them.
Gratitude allows us to move powerfully in a world that would otherwise fuck us up.
The Second Reason
Beyond simply feeling better than grief, cultivating gratitude has lasting and measurable value.
One of my favorite teachers, Abraham Hicks, teaches that gratitude is one of the highest emotional states we can achieve.
N.B. She speaks about appreciation as the highest emotional state. Still, after thinking this through and examining all sides, their use of the word appreciation and my definition of gratitude are close enough for jazz.
Gratitude, in Hicks' framework, aligns us with the frequency of abundance.
When we express gratitude, we emit a vibration that attracts more to be grateful for, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of positivity and fulfillment. In this way, gratitude is part of our “emotional guidance system,” showing us when we’re in tune with our higher self.
In this way, gratitude serves as a doorway to the life we desire, allowing us to sort through the bullshit and enjoy our lives as they are - sometimes challenging, sometimes fun, but always with the opportunity of a grateful heart.
I've found this to be true for myself; the more I practice being grateful, the less worried I've become, and the less worried I've become, the more joy I experience on a day-to-day basis.
But if that's too woo-woo for you, check out what the latest neuroscience has to say (spoiler alert: it's the same as the woo-woo).
Dr. Joe Dispenza approaches gratitude scientifically, emphasizing its power to rewire the brain.
According to Dispenza, gratitude activates areas in the brain associated with reward and motivation, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin.
When practiced regularly, gratitude has a lasting impact, reshaping our neural pathways and creating a more resilient, positive mental state. Dispenza explains that by consistently focusing on what we’re grateful for, we can essentially “train” our brain to expect more positivity, shifting from a survival-oriented mindset to one of possibility.
When we cultivate gratitude, we are actively reshaping our brain's wiring. As a result, our responses to life’s inevitable challenges change.
Instead of reacting with fear or anger, we approach difficulties with a foundation of appreciation and strength. This process isn’t just psychological; it’s physiological.
Many neuroscientists (e.g., Richard Davidson, Barbara Fredrickson, Tania Singer) and psychologists (e.g., Rick Hanson, Sara Algoe, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Martin Seligman) have echoed these findings.
The science is clear: the more we practice gratitude, the more our brain becomes wired to see the world through this empowering lens. More importantly, when what we see changes, what we see to act on changes, and it is from those new actions that we achieve new results.
Gratitude is a path to higher performance.
You Can't Get There From Here
As I said, the game we're playing is to gain more of what's good and what we enjoy by eliminating what's wrong or what we don't like.
But that won't work in this case. There is no eliminating pain, sorrow, or grief. That is not an option.
Instead, what if we developed our capacity to hold it all? What if we accepted, as Weller proposes, that our job as adults is to create that very capacity?
As always, there is a relevant quote from the Prophet:
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together, they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Gratitude enables us to hold the weight of grief without being consumed by it, helping us live powerfully in a “fucked up world.”
Holding Grief and Gratitude Together
Living a grateful life doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect.
Weller reminds us that maturity involves holding two truths simultaneously: the reality of grief and the possibility of gratitude.
This is where resilience is - not in denial or resistance, but in acceptance.
Gratitude gives us a perspective that allows us to coexist with life’s struggles. When we view gratitude as a humility-based, gift-oriented appreciation, it shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what’s present.
The upset we fell from sudden loss loses some of the sting because we are living in the presence of the gift it was to have in the first place.
Practicing gratitude demands our being present while it leaves us being present.
This doesn’t erase pain but enables us to carry it differently. With gratitude, we become "stretched large," expanding our ability to experience life's joy and sorrow without closing off to either.
We function better in the face of what life offers (as fucked-up as it may be) when we are connected to the possibilities that always exist in the present as well.
As a bonus, when we live in humble appreciation for everything as a gift, we tend to see/attract more gifts.
The answer to “Why gratitude?” is that it works.
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