You Can’t Set Boundaries If You Haven’t Done the Work. Here’s the Work.

Aaron Hendon
16 minutes ago
5 min read

It’s 8 PM. You’re at the dinner table, but you’re not really there. Your phone is buzzing, a constant phantom limb. A client has a “quick question.” A deal might be falling apart. Your mind is a junk drawer of anxieties, what-ifs, and the relentless, gnawing feeling that you should be doing more.

This isn’t just a bad day. This is the water we swim in as real estate agents, and it’s a fast track to a fucked up place. We talk a lot about setting boundaries, but the truth is, most of that advice is bullshit. It’s like putting icing on dog shit. It doesn’t change what’s underneath.

I know because I was the king of no boundaries. I wore my 24/7 availability like a badge of honor, thinking it was the only way to serve my clients and my team.

The result? I was a mess. Irritable, exhausted, and my business, for all the hours I poured in, had hit a wall.

The change didn’t come from a new time management hack. It came when I started doing the real work: sitting my ass down for 10 minutes a day and just being present. The result wasn’t just that I felt better.

My team saw a 160% increase in sales in just four months. We cut agent turnover by 84% and saw a 56% jump in referral business. We didn’t work harder. We stopped pretending, and we started being present. The boundaries came naturally after that.

Why Your Boundary-Setting Has Failed

The real estate industry has a burnout problem because it’s built on a foundation of scarcity and fear. Some reports show as many as 80% of agents quit within the first two years 1. We’re told to hustle, to grind, to be always on.

So we try to set rules. “I won’t answer my phone after 9 PM.” But then a big client calls at 9:05, and the rule goes out the window. Why? Because the rule is a surface-level fix for a deep-level problem. You haven’t dealt with the underlying anxiety that if you don’t answer that call, you’ll lose the deal, your income will dry up, and you’ll end up destitute. You can’t just will yourself to have boundaries.

In my book, How to Live a Grateful Life in a Fckd Up World (out soon), I talk about the difference between faking it and being it.

Pretending to be a person who has boundaries doesn’t work if you’re still a wreck on the inside. The real work is internal. It’s about developing the capacity to sit with the discomfort, to be present with the anxiety, and not to let it run the show.

That’s the whole point of mindfulness. It’s not about getting rid of the shit. It’s about changing your relationship to it.

The Real Work: A Road Map to Gratitude

Before you can set a boundary effectively, you need a foundation of internal stability. In my work, I teach a five-part framework for this. It’s not a quick fix. It’s a practice. It’s the work.

Awareness: Slowing down enough actually to see what’s happening in your mind and body. Noticing the urge to check your phone, the knot of anxiety in your stomach.
Allowance: Letting that reality exist without fighting it. The anxiety is there. The demanding client is there. You don’t have to like it, but you have to allow it to be as it is.
Acceptance: Taking in the experience rather than resisting it. This is where you stop struggling. You accept that this is the present moment.
Appreciation: Finding value even under challenging circumstances. What can you learn from this? What is the opportunity here?
Attitude Toward Gratitude: This isn’t about forcing yourself to be thankful. It’s the natural emergence of humbly recognizing life as a gift, even when it’s a dumpster fire.

This is the foundation. This is what 10-20 minutes of daily meditation builds. It’s not about chanting or levitating. It’s about sitting with your own mind until it gets quiet. When you do this work, you develop the capacity to choose your response instead of being a slave to your reactivity.

Then, and only then, can you start implementing practical boundaries that actually stick.

Practical Boundaries, Built on a Real Foundation

Once you’ve started the internal work, the external actions become possible. Here are some practical strategies, suggested by experts, that become a hell of a lot easier when you’re not operating from a place of fear.

Boundary Strategy	Expert Source	How Mindfulness Helps
Set Your Hours and Stick to Them	Virginia REALTORS® 2	Mindfulness gives you the Awareness to notice when you’re working outside your hours and the Acceptance to let non-urgent tasks wait until the next day without freaking out.
The Art of Saying No	Virginia REALTORS® 2, U.S. News 3	Your practice builds the internal strength to say “no” to a client or task that isn’t a good fit, knowing that your value isn’t tied to pleasing everyone. You can offer alternatives from a place of stability, not panic.
Communicate Your Boundaries Upfront	Industry Best Practice	With the clarity that comes from mindfulness, you can communicate your working hours and communication preferences to new clients from the very beginning as a matter of policy, not as an apology.

Notice the shift. These aren’t rules you’re forcing on yourself. They are the natural expression of a person who has worked to cultivate internal stability. You’re not afraid of losing the client, because you’re operating from a mindset of abundance, not scarcity. You trust that the right clients will respect your professionalism.

The Path to a Grateful Life in a Fucked-Up World

Ending your workday isn’t about a checklist or a ritual you found on a blog. It’s about having a practice that helps you be present in your life. The irony is that when you stop chasing every email and every call, your business grows. You show up as a better agent, a better leader, and a better human being. You connect with clients on a fundamental level. You build a business that sustains you, not one that drains you.

This is the work. It’s simple, but it’s not easy. If you’re ready to start, I teach this entire path in my free 9-week training. It’s time to stop putting icing on dog shit and start doing the real work. Your business, and your life, will thank you for it.

For more on my philosophy, check out my other blog posts, and to discuss how my Pay for Performance Mindfulness Mentoring might help, book a short exploratory call.